Pedant's Parsnips

a guide to butter use of the language

Alot: A lot of partially literate folk commit this vile crime a lot.
Alright: This abomination results from the witless noticing that already is formed from all and ready. Being witless, they fail to notice that because the venerable adverb already differs in meaning from all ready, its use is perfectly all right.
American: Both noun and adjective seem to have been appropriated to refer only to the Union of States geographically located mainly in the centre and south of North America. Properly, it should be applicable to all in the Americas.
Ancestors: Ancestors go before; descendants come after.
And (in numbers): US-Americans illogically omit the conjunction and in numbers spoken or written in words. English logically recognises that a number such as 'three thousand, four hundred and twenty' is really a list, like 'Rag, Tag and Bobtail'.
Ass (as in: kick ass, kiss my ass): US-Americans would seem to have a love-hate relationship with donkeys. English does have an ancient and succinct word of roughly similar sound which, presumably, is intended but that is far too coarse to be seen here.

Black: Black is not a colour but the absence of all colours. (See White)
British English: On a par with British Welsh, I suppose? The forms of English spoken and written in other parts of the world are the variants and in these cases the term English should carry a geographic qualifier; the language used in England, or by the English, is quite simply English.
Burglarize: An unforgivable sin repeatedly committed by US-Americans is the invention of a new word where there already exists a perfectly adequate English word. What most annoys about this practice is that the English word is usually shorter and more simple. The crime of a burglar is burglary and the verb is burgle.

Californian wine: US-Americans balk at such terms as Californian wine, amusedly pointing out that Californian is a noun meaning 'a resident of California' and the correct adjective in this case should give California wine. It is such a sad irony that they fail to perceive the noun is no more than a shortened form of Californian resident as they continue to eat Italian or Mexican (food).
CE, BCE: Said to stand for 'Common Era' and 'Before Common Era': What an awful and meaningless US-Americanism! The era referred to is so obviously that of Christianity and so, (a) some Christians will read the abbreviations as meaning Christian Era and Before Christian Era, and (b) non-Christians might go along with the year numbering without recognising the era. You might as well redefine the long established A.D. and B.C. as After Diversity and Before Commonality.
Centigrade: This means: on a scale of one hundred. 'A hundred and ten degrees Centigrade' is impossible: use 'a hundred and ten degrees Celsius'.
Ceramic: Correctly pronounced keramik. The word derives from the Greek keramos, just as Celt (pronounced, and sometimes spelled, kelt) is from the Greek keltoi.
Coronated: Is an adjective meaning having a crown or crown shape. Except in the US, at coronations, monarchs and the like are crowned.
Crazy Horse: See Sitting Bull.

Data: The singular is datum. "This data is wrong," is wrong.
(Date order - when written numerically): How can an entire nation be so obtuse as to think that placing the smallest unit between the medium and largest is either logical or intuitive?
Dice: The singular is die. The die is cast; it cannot be altered.
Different: It simply cannot take than as a conjunction. In this respect, US-American usage differs than English.

E-Z lessons: US-Americans should be aware that 'eezed lessons' is nonsensical in English, however it is abbreviated.
Easter Saturday: Easter is a feast of eight days, lasting from High Sunday (Easter Day) to Low Sunday. Easter Saturday does not precede the feast.
Either (as in: me either): A doubly illiterate response to sentiments such as "I don't like this" where presumably it is short for "me don't like this either." Use Nor I. Or, if you prefer verbosity, Neither do I.

Flaccid: One must assume that the erroneous pronunciation, flassid, arose by accident.
Fresh fields: The correct quotation is, 'to fresh woods and pastures new'.
Fuchsia: A South American evening primrose, named after the German botanist, Leonard Fuchs. It is pronounced foosha instead of the correct fooksia only to spare the ladies' blushes.

Gay: An adjective: lively, bright, colourful, playful, merry, pleasure-loving. Sometimes, I am gay. It is not a good description of homosexuals who are often quite sad people. (Gay liberation: the movement to free the word gay from its less jolly associations.)

Hari-kari: Should be hara-kiri (belly-cut) but seppuku sounds more knowledgeable.
Homophobia: As homo denotes 'same' and phobia denotes 'fear', homophobia should mean 'a common fear' or 'a fear resulting from a similar cause'. The meaning might be stretched to indicate a fear or dislike of blandness; in no way can it mean hatred of homosexuals.

I (as in: ... to someone and I): Jack and I spoke to Jill. Jill spoke to me and Jack. You wouldn't say, "Jill spoke to I", would you? Nor should you say, "Jill spoke to Jack and I."
Index: The plural is indices. Similar words are matrix, matrices; vortex, vortices.

Jealousy: You might be jealous of something or someone you possess; the desire to have that which belongs to others is envy.

K . . .

Llama: Woolly pack animal of the camel family native to South America. The correct pronunciation recognises the double-l of the Spanish transliteration. In English, it approximates to yamma.
Leicester Square: The name of this square is pronounced not as it is spelled but as Lester - a fact which never ceases to amaze, confuse or amuse visitors from US-America - perhaps especially those from Kan-zas (Kansas) and Ar-kan-zaw (Arkansas).
Literally: This literally means what it says so if anyone tells you, "She literally bit my head off", you'll know they're probably talking out of someone's posterior orifice.

Machinations: I suppose that a m'keen would sound more dangerous to operate than a m'sheen. However, the correct makinations still suggests a degree of devious control that the illiterate's mashinations can never have.
Me (as in: it's me): No, it isn't; it is I. Similarly: it is he; it is she.
Me either: seeeither.
Media: The singular is medium. You speak plurally of the broadcasting media but singularly of the medium of television.
Millennium: A millennium is literally, a period of thousand years. The first millennium of this era lasted from the start of 1 A.D. to the end of 1000 A.D. The third millennium of this era can hardly start until the second finishes at the end of 2000 A.D. How sad it is that most BBC presenters and many of the world's political and religious leaders - and Christians in general - have seen fit to lie through their teeth about this. How much faith can one now put in anything else they say?
Money is the root of all evil: The quotation (from St Paul's first epistle to Timothy) is, For the love of money is the root of all evil. In common with most of his other assertions, Paul was entirely wrong about this.
Ms: One sees this so often nowadays. It is used by women who do not wish to be referred to either as Miss or as Missus and is formed by analogy with the masculine form of address, 'Mr'. Since 'Mr' is not pronounced murr but mister, (as 'Dr' is not pronounced durr but doktor), 'Ms' should not be pronounced muzz but mistress.

Naïve: English has no accents. Use naive, artless or ingenuous. (see Noël)
Nom de plume: Would be French. It isn't. The shy are more than adequately provided for in English by pseudonym and pen-name.
Noël: English has no accents. Use Noel, Nowell or Christmas. (see Naïve)
Noon: Noon derives from the Latin nona hora - 'the ninth hour'. Given that the active day was reckoned to start at six a.m., noon should be at three o'clock - and was until the Church altered the hours of its offices. Midday would be a better term. (see Twelve a.m.)

Of (as in: would of ..., could of ..., should of ..., etc.): You would of thought that the perpetrators of this prepositional illiteracy, some of whom boast an education to the degree of doctor, might be capable of relating it to terms such as I had thought and so noticed that the auxiliary verb actually makes perfect sense.

Phenomena: The singular is phenomenon. It is, nonetheless, a curious phenomenon that many articulate and intelligent people are heard to refer to a phenomena.
Pudding (as in: the proof is in the pudding): Only at Christmas if the threepenny bit is stolen. The proof of the pudding is in the eating of it.

Questionnaire: Pronouncing this as kwes-jon-air marks you out as one of the studied; sociologists, market surveyors and demographic artists say kes-tea-on-air. (see Trait)

Reverend: An adjective meaning 'worthy or respect'. When used as the title of a member the clergy, it does not replace the normal style or title of the man. Reverend Smith is wrong and should be 'the Reverend Mr Smith', 'the Reverend Dr Smith' or 'the Reverend John Smith'.

Same old same old: The same old what? Premature senility is the only thing that suggests itself in this case.
Scotch: Despite the protestations of many Scotch that it denotes only the whisky, this word is the correct adjective for all things pertaining to Scotland. Like the more favoured 14th century Scots, 16th century Scotch is just a reduced form of Scottish.
Sitting Bull: Translations of North American Indian personal names are demeaning and were originally intended so. After all, we never refer to the legend of Broad Foot but to the Greek story of Oedipus. Unfortunately, the original names are generally unavailable to us.
Smoke (as in: There's no smoke without fire): The original saying was there is no fire without some smoke and intended to mean that all actions will result in some observable effects. Since it is possible to create smoke without actual fire, the reversal really isn't justified.
Speak with (someone): This may be what US-Americans do. I speak with my mouth full, or with an accent, or a lisp, or even with gay abandon; I talk to someone.
Stadium: The plural is not stadiums but stadia. (see media)

Tenderhooks: Tenterhooks are used to stretch woven fabrics. As one who, in his youth, worked with these demonic contraptions in the mills of Yorkshire, I can assure anyone that the hooks are far less tender than the fingers.
Trait: Rise above the common herd; say tray. (see Questionnaire)
Trial: This is a noun; the verb is try. Ne'er-do-wells are not trialled for their crimes, they are tried and so should products be, even when the tests are repeated over a lengthy period. I have yet to hear reports of repeated denial of testing as "the company is denialling that it is trialling a new product."
Twelve a.m. (or twelve p.m.): The abbreviation a.m. stands for ante meridiem and means, 'before midday'. Similarly, p.m. stands for post meridiem and means, 'after midday'. It follows that twelve noon (i.e. 'midday') is neither a.m. nor p.m. There is some justification for referring to midnight as either twelve a.m. or twelve p.m. - since it is actually both - but the term twelve midnight is less confusing. (see Noon)

Union Jack: Improperly used as the name of the flag of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. A jack is a small flag flown on a ship; the correct term for the flag of the U.K. is Union Flag.
Unique: Anything that is unique has no comparison; it cannot be very or even quite unique.
Uranus: To avoid embarrassment when speaking to the hard of hearing or to classical scholars, pronounce this Oo-ran-us and not You-rain-us.

Venus: The correct adjectival form of Venus is Venereal or Venerean, although the latter form is now considered obsolete. The common use of the term Venusian is due entirely to faintheartedness.

Waitressing: This is claimed by the illiterate to be the occupation of a waitress. It isn't; the correct term would be waiting - with the explanation on tables added for clarification, if needed. Proponents of this vile injury to the language claim that the word waiting means doing nothing in the expectation of a coming event, to which I reply in two parts: (a) actors don't indulge in actoring but simply in acting - which again has both theatrical and commonplace meanings, and (b) most waiters and waitresses seem to spend their time doing nothing in the expectation of a coming tip.
White: White is not a colour but the presence of all colours. (See Black)

Xmas: Christians who whinge that this abbreviation of the word Christmas insults their religion should be aware that the Greek letter X (CH) has long been used in Xianity to denote the word Christ. Modern Xians should rejoice that it is such a familiar and not be so catty.

Y . . .

Zero: Zero means 'nothing' or 'none': the absence of number or value. You cannot have a 'zeroth' term or unit (e.g. page zero or year zero).
Zythum: If someone offers you 'the last word', have this ancient Egyptian beer. It is the last word in The Chambers Dictionary (1998).

Pedant's Parsnips

a guide to butter use of the language

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