5
Evensong
"One should not delve too deeply into things," Joachim said to the Great Architect of the University as the two of them waded through the foundations in the cool of the evening.
"So much is obvious with hindsight," he agreed, sadly. "The place has tumbled and it is sinking. I spent years in preparation and planning. I ordered no less than seven very extensive geological surveys; and you wouldn't believe the number of test bores I carried out." He laughed wryly: "The whole surface looked as though it had been through three billion years of asteroid impact cratering. There was absolutely no indication that this would happen." He swept his arm around to indicate the glass-green shallow lake that was perfectly bounded by the University's tumbled walls. Phytoplankton had long since colonised the shallow waters and, here and there, reptilian fish were already heaving themselves out to bask upon heaps of tumbled stones. Coelacanth nibbled at their toes. The lamb investigated fool's gold and fossils in a flooded deep coal mine.
"So, what went wrong?" Joachim asked, scratching at his long grey beard and using the most sympathetic voice at his command. The Architect sighed, shrugged, and - as though to someone who doubly doubted his word - displayed his opened palms in the gesture universally understood to mean, "Search me!"
In the depths of the Architect's pockets - hidden beneath a slide-rule, square, dividers, a heart-shaped leaden plumb-bob inscribed 'MM=JC', a man-sized linen handkerchief which bore the faint but negative impression of a bearded human figure and the monogram, 'G', a lucky rabbit's foot and a number of other dry digits, a snack-sized packet of ready-salted manna, a shepherd's crook, a flail, a ram's horn, a rod of iron, a pole of pokecats, a perch of erons, a chain of events and sundry other items, including a primary skull spelling book open at the letter 'M' on page 58, a box of prescription tablets, an old candlestick, bits of knotted string and a dead mouse - Joachim discovered The Grand Plan.
"This," said Joachim in awe, "is awesome!" Not so much paper as parchment; and not so much parchment as photographic film; and not so much that as an interactive holographic crystal; the plan showed everything in the University: Front views, side views, top views, bottom views, corner views, structural views, official views, popular views, rear views, mirror views, guardian views, reviews, previews. Joachim took his eye from the viewfinder and said, "Would you explain it to me?"
"Where to begin...?" mused the Architect almost under his breath, as though no-one existed but himself. "Well, as you can see, the entire structure is really a pyramid of seven steps based on perfect squares derived from the values of metals - although that isn't really germane..." he added quickly with a rapid sideways glance at Joachim. The diminutive man, whose mercurial intellect rather matched the length of his beard than his height, understood at once that the metals were quite germane and provided three good leads but, ironically, were far too esoterically sensitive to discuss openly. The Architect continued, "Using a quite simple principle, water is drawn up from the bottom to an irrigation channel on each level. The channels water a profusion of trees, shrubs and other plants, and these, in turn, provide food and shelter for innumerable species of animals. The top level has Olympic standard swimming and diving pools, of course. Rising from the centre is a pole on which is mounted a star so that it may be used as a directional compass from anywhere."
"That's all on the outside," said Joachim. "But the University isn't just a solid structure with everything happening on the outside, is it? What's inside, and how do you support it?"
"Ah," sighed the Architect. "The inside of the University is the most beautiful paradise that you could ever imagine. The walls (which comprise thousands of lecture halls, concert halls, meeting halls, coal halls, black halls, pigeon halls, ass halls, laboratories, conservatories, liberal studies, chapels, dormitories, refectories, reading rooms, dark rooms, light rooms, heavy rooms, elbow rooms and broom cupboards) surround and contain a self-sustaining micro-climate of carefully selected plant and animal species, including people who have volunteered to live completely within the confines of this experiment. In the centre of the University is a forest of trees which are ever in leaf and bloom; and in the centre of the forest the most magnificent fountain rises from a pool - a well, really - of cool clear water. Under the fountain is a single large rock with such purity of crystalline structure that no more than a tap from the nail of the ear finger will have it sounding like a bell of perfect harmonic resonances heard throughout the entire hall."
Joachim's sigh echoed that of the Architect. "It does, indeed, sound like the most wonderful place one can imagine," he said, "but you still haven't told me how you support such a great structure."
The Architect passed his hand across the plans to reveal a schematic of the basic structure. "There," he said, "Just two pillars bearing the whole load. One is needed for the construction but a second is required to balance out the stresses and maintain equilibrium." Joachim looked with admiration at the two pillars. One was straight fluted, the other carried a spiral design, like a vast coiling serpent. It appeared to be decorated with masses of tracery in the form of leaves, maize, and bunches of fruit. "That one," said the Architect, pointing, "was the work of my late Apprentice."
They stood in quietness for a suitable length of time out of respect.
"What are these large fruits?" asked Joachim, breaking the silence. "They always appear in pairs on long rigid stems and seem to be selectively distributed about the pillar."
The Architect gave a little chuckle. "A structural necessity disguised as decoration," he said. "I did a prototype of this design in Babylon, much smaller, of course. Wonderful understanding about the project amongst every one involved. Then, it suddenly fell down for no apparent reason. Everyone had their own pet theory as to why but no-one could agree and they all went off in different directions and just built small. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I carried out an awful lot of theoretical research backed up by experiments with small scale models - wind tunnels and the like - and found that the problem was vibration."
"Ah!" said Joachim, sucking a mint and nodding sagely. His quick brain had immediately grasped the implications. "I think I see what you're getting at. Strong winds, earthquakes or even a passing train, are liable to cause enough movement in these large shell buildings to set up a vibration which sort of feeds upon itself. The different parts all 'talk the same language' and resonate with each other producing a crescendo ultimately resulting in structural failure. How do you compensate?"
"That's where the pairs of fruit come in," said the Architect. "Actually, they're supposed to be apples, not pears. And they have to be quite heavy objects, which is why they're made of precious metals - gold and silver. As you can see, each pair is joined by a long straight stalk which, in turn, is attached near its centre to the pillar. The slightest vibration in the pillar is transmitted immediately into the stalks where it tries to move the golden apples. The secret is that the apples vibrate far more readily than either the pillar itself or the University supported by it, and so any dangerous vibration is simply dissipated in a trembling of the golden apples."
"The Music of the Spheres," smiled Joachim in his astrological understanding. "And that would also provide an aesthetically pleasing experience for anyone watching them as they reflected the artificial sunlight dappling through the sculpted leaves," he further mused. "But I see from these plans that the positioning and relative weights of the golden apples required extensive computer modelling."
"They are the most tricky part of the design," the Architect agreed. "With most of the structure, you can work out maximum stresses and so calculate minimum and optimum strengths - even add a bit here and there to be on the safe side. The apples are entirely different; too large is as bad as too small, too heavy as bad as too light. They must be exactly right for there is a very fine line between good vibrations and evil vibrations; it really is a matter of life and death.
"And if anyone were so enchanted by these shimmering apples, and so innocent of their meaning, as to remove one...?"
The Architect looked steadily at Joachim. Understanding suffused and saddened his face as golden light at dawn will sweep away night's dark secrets to reveal only lacklustre expanses of mud and blood and battles lost. At his feet, the lamb cautiously nudged a single golden apple and sprang back startled as it rolled across the chequered pavement to be deflected by the fallen black knight into the still rising waters of the abyss.
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This is one of the Tales of Joachim |
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Ink Amera |
(C) David 1/9/2007 |
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