ChocolateThere's chocolate on me fingers and sand between me toes, There's ice-cream in me navel and sun-cream on me nose, The seagulls have deposited their droppings on me clothes; And the flies all buzz around me every time I dare to doze. (Chorus of Jolly Fishermen) 1 Way, heave away! We'll heave away our di-inner; Way, heave away! We'll heave away tea! A stinking patch of seaweed some yards upwind of me, Is battling with the chip smell that wafts down from the quay; The tide went out this morning, I can't even see the sea, And I'll bet the toilet's closed because I'm dying for a pee! Way, heave away! We're starting to get thi-inner; Way, heave away! We're starving at sea! The wind is getting stronger and blowing round the bight; It's an hour since the sun set and now there's no more light; I would go back to "Seaview" now and get an early night, But I'm trapped in this damned deckchair: Oh, what a sorry plight! Way, heave away! We'll have out what was i-inner; Way, heave away! We'll have "our souls" free! The tide came in at midnight and smothered me in foam, It washed ashore an oil-spill and now I'm smeared in gaum; A mermaid just swam under me and raked me with her comb... You can keep your bloody seaside: I wish I'd stayed at home! Way, heave away! The Devil take the si-inner; Way, heave away! We're all doomed to dee! Mad dogfish chew me fingers, tight sand-eels pinch me toes, Bad crabs gnaw at me navel, white lobsters nip me nose, The sea-slugs have deposited their slime upon me clothes; And the sharks are circling round me just daring me to doze. Way, heave away! The sharks all prey for di-inner; Way, heave away! The sharks take high tea! A bloody patch of flotsam is all that's left of me, All mixed up with some chip fat that got chucked off the quay; The tide's so high this morning, I can only smell the sea, And I'll bet the toilet's busy 'cause I'm floating in pure pee! Way, heave away! We've made the ocean thi-inner; Way, heave away! We've got a pee sea! The current's getting stronger and flowing round the bight; In the hour since the sun set, there's grown an eerie light, That calls me on to Heaven now—I'd go this very night, But I'm trapped in this damned kelp bed: Oh, what a hellish plight! Way, heave away! Our outer's what was i-inner; Way, heave away! Our undines are free! The tide surged in at midnight in waves of gushing foam, It rose up like an oil-rig that smeared the sea in gaum; The mermaid scaled the oily rig and called it her coxcomb... You can keep your bloody seaside: I dream wet dreams at home! Way, heave away! The Devil shakes the si-inner; Way, heave away! We're all at sea to dee! Way, heave away! We'll heave away our di-inner; Way, heave away! We'll heave away tea! |
1. In spite of the reference to Jolly Fishermen, it is patently obvious that the events portrayed in this poem did not occur in Skegness which is actually quite bracing. Anyway, Skegness has only one Jolly Fisherman. —I.H.
Gay Noses (and other queer appendages)
|
Ink Amera |
(C) David 1/9/2007 |
Contact |